I have had so many pain stories in my life experience, how about you?
So many different trauma’s or life transforming challenges, as I like to call them, now.
A few years ago I created a dream come true, moving to B.C. I knew in my heart it was my home, I had this inner calling for over 6 years.
You would imagine jumping into your dream would be amazing! And it was, don't get me wrong but along with this…
Creating this move, there were many things happening, on many layers all at once.
I was just getting out of a relationship with my son's father,
I had to find help to pack the moving truck, have a friend drive it down with me, last minute
Because the person who said they would do it, backed out.
I had to find a rental, in an impossible rental market because then everyone wants to live in the Kootenays.
And I had to leave behind all my amazing Soul sisters and clients I worked so hard to build, in Saskatchewan.
Along with my friends and support team
While all this was going on…
I had my mother guilting me, and shaming me, in a way, about this move, and how wrong it was and other things I won't go into.
I was moving to the unknown.
I didn't know anyone,
It was during COVID
And I had no secure future income
Just my savings to support myself and my 2 young children I would be moving with.
Now put all these things into play….
Add in the emotions, doubt, fear, uncertainties, can I do this, was this the smart choice,
I was a mess!
For days, maybe even weeks following this move.
I was leaving behind so much, because I knew
I needed to,
My heart was saying this was home, and I was so deeply desiring to feel like I was home.
I remember reaching out to many friends, mentors
& my inner self,
To help support me.
Was I doing the right thing?
Or was I doing a stupid thing?
I didn't know anyone, and I was leaving any supports I had
And jumping into the unknown.
The whole experience leading up to move, was excruciatingly painful, on so many levels.
And the final weeks of before the move I had to live with my ex, and he was not nice, like at all, he put his anger and rage all onto me and any words he had to say.
Have you gone through experiences with many layers of pain points, and so many uncertainties, as well??
Life was not fun living, even though I was jumping into my dream.
But jumping into our dreams can be scary.
And it's ok to be messy, and it's ok to accept that.
I had to!
I had to be vulnerable to myself and all my uncomfortable emotions.
I had to cry and cry and cry, until I couldn't anymore
And reach out to friends, to help hold space for and help remind me why I was doing this.
Friends and community are so important.
They help get us through the pain stories in our lives, less scared and more loved.
And no matter who you are, you will have pain stories too
Because we all have them,
And it's OK.
It's OK to be…
Or like you going a bit crazy for a while
These are normal emotions in life.
Maybe not shared or expressed by everyone but it's time to change that!
To normalize the messiness of life and its experiences.
To build community and support to hold us as we step into the things we ‘know’ we need to do but in order to do them, there are layers and layers of pain points.
Layers and layers of ick that needs to be felt and then let go of, while courageously stepping forward.
I am here, this page, is here because I want to support you, I want to build community and normalize the messiness that life can be.
Because I have been there,
Like a failure,
Like it would just be easier to not be here.
Feeling that I wasn't enough,
And that I wasn't worthy or valuable
Because we go there when we are in our pain stories of life.
And it's easy to feel like these are our truths,
But they are NOT,
It's a part of our ego’s death.
These are false truth’s
And I know part of my life's mission is to help remind you,
No matter what you may be going through.
You are NEEDED
And what you are going through will pass, I promise.
I see you,
I hear you,
I am you,
I love you
We are all in this Life School together
I am here for you, Beautiful Soul.
Thank you, for being here.
Much love, always
Wendy Anne Walker